Day 4 of Gratitude - The Fairs
31 Days of Gratitude - In an attempt to publicly express my gratitude for the people that have impacted me in some way in 2015, I'm setting out to write one post a day sharing what I appreciate about them or what moment that marked me. Some of these people I know well, some I've only met, and some I'm just getting to know. There is no ranking to these posts and they aren't meant to put anyone on a pedestal. They, like you and I, are imperfect people with their own flaws, some you may have experienced. Despite those flaws, I believe we all need to have our positive characteristics called into light and celebrated. This is that attempt.
Being a human is hard. That statement can easily seem overly simplified, but sometimes I think just a general acknowledgement is necessary. Especially when you try hard to be self-aware and process all the external pressures to fix this or that about yourself as you work to develop personally, spiritually, or professionally. We're better at fixating on the bad within ourselves and others that we are at building up the positives. Change is hard and change is part of being human
Being in relationships with others is even harder, especially being married to a significant other. Two individuals that come together who are always changing individually with a relationship that changes just as rapidly. Add some kids, jobs, finances, dreams, aspirations, and lack of all those things into the mix, and you really have a recipe for disfunction and challenge. My soul gets heavy when I think about this or hear about it in my friends lives.
All of that is why I'm grateful for the Fairs. We first met the Fairs 10+ years ago at church. I began some professional development coaching with Kelly as I was trying to figure what to do with my life. Over time Michelle and I began to get serious about our relationship and we started to get to know the Fairs personally. We were getting close to deciding whether we were going to get married and we asked the Fairs to sit down with us before we ever got engaged to help us make sure we weren't missing anything that we should be considering before making such a big commitment. They spent several evenings getting to know us and saying we might be ok. They said yes to doing our pre-marital counseling after we got engaged and we spent months together being invited into their lives and them into ours. They're ability to articulate and decipher what was going on in our conflicts and challenges were always wise because they shared their own challenges in marriage and life. We felt like and still do feel like we're an extension of their family.
Since those early days, they've become dear friends and continued counselors to us. Eight married years later and we're still trying to figure it out on our couches with them. I'm most grateful that they've always had time for us and been our champions. Ever since they agreed to be in our lives in a significant way, they've been there. Without people like the Fairs, marriage would be even harder and far more lonely. Michelle and I are grateful that when things get out of whack for any length of time, we always have people like the Fairs we can call, be vulnerable with, and know that they love us and want to show up to hear it out. Often the same things over and over again.
As I reflect on our marriage and hearing stories of challenging marriages of our friends, it affirms to me that we can't do life or relationships alone. I know that I wouldn't be able to say that without people like the Fairs that have modeled that for us and countless other couples they choose to love in the same way.
I'm grateful for Kelly and Suze in about 100 other ways collectively and individually, but as I thought about this post, their commitment to us and showing us how important it is to be committed to others, especially when things are headed south in their relationships, was the most important aspect of gratitude I wanted to share. Thank you, friends.
If any of you are finding yourselves at the edge of a relationship that is failing or broken and you have a desire to not let it fail, find some friends, mentors, or seek out counseling before you give up. Your stuff isn't too messy and it's likely like the stuff those you ask have dealt with in their lives. Do life together, especially the broken stuff.
