Day 2 of Gratitude - My Wife
31 Days of Gratitude - In an attempt to publicly express my gratitude for the people that have impacted me in some way in 2015, I'm setting out to write one post a day sharing what I appreciate about them or what moment that marked me. Some of these people I know well, some I've only met, and some I'm just getting to know. There is no ranking to these posts and they aren't meant to put anyone on a pedestal. They, like you and I, are imperfect people with their own flaws, some you may have experienced. Despite those flaws, I believe we all need to have our positive characteristics called into light and celebrated. This is that attempt.
I still remember noticing her for months at church before I ever met her. The beautiful, tall and thin, dark haired woman that always seemed to have a smile on her face and surrounded by friends. A few months later, she would sign up to volunteer on a project that I was organizing through NeighborLink and we'd meet for the first time. For several months after that, I would invite her to come "help" me scope out new projects to volunteer. The moment I knew she was different and someone I wanted to spend more time with was one of the first times we connected one on one. She invited me over to her apartment for dinner before we checked on a project because my office was close to her apartment and it of course made sense to meet there to ride together, and if we're going to meet after work, we might as well have dinner before we go.
The thing that marked me was that this was a genuine effort to do a kind, generous, and inviting thing for a stranger, not just a cool thing to do to attract a guy. We joke about this now because it sounds pretty forward when we talk about it, but at the time, it was just the right thing to do. Michelle is like that and this was one of the qualities that attracted me the most in the early days because it was a reflection of her character to want to share with others before satisfying her own interests.
We ended up doing quite a few projects over those summer months before I asked her out on an official date. A year later we got engaged after I nearly convinced her that it was never going to work out because I was trying to hide the engagement plan I had planned for her. You can ask us about this story in more depth another time.
Eight married years, three kids, and a whole lot of growing into adults together later, we're learning what it means to be individuals, professionals, parents, spiritual beings, and a family together. I'm convinced Michelle is what keeps it all together, which is exactly what I don't tell her enough. I constantly want to go 100mph, experience everything I can, and continue to pursue dreams, adventures, and conquest the "what ifs" of life as I see it through my lens. She pulls me back to what we have rather than what we could have time after time, which is frustrating and the cause of so much internal tension, but is often exactly what I need. I can get lost in the idea that every gap in my week should be filled with something, often at the expense of what's most important.
Michelle is one of the most caring people I know and it shows every day she goes to work with families surviving the season of life they're in as their children struggle with chronic and terminal illnesses, such as cancer. That caring comes out with neighbors, friends, and family just as often as it does with her career. She's a far better neighbor than I am and I'm the one that runs an organization that encourages loving neighbors well. If you have a baby, don't expect a pan of lasagne, expect a roasted chicken and vegetables and a tray of cookie bars. If you get her lasagne though, know it's homemade, delicious, and made with the same love as that chicken. Caring for others is a driving force, not an after thought for her.
It's not just the kind things she does for others, its the way she listens, engages, and empathizes with people as she talked to them. If you're feeling joy, she's feeling joy. Pain, she'll tear up with you. Sadness, she'll join you in the sadness, not just brush past it with encouragement. These are traits I want our children to have, and ones I've been trying to learn from her and practice with others. Slow down, be present, love.
She's the best mom I could have asked for when thinking about marrying someone and thinking about who I would want to raise kids with. Our kids are loved, cared for, nurtured, read to, played with, and included in some many things that she does rather than pushed aside because it would be easier without them. Where I want to push them aside during dinner prep as to minimize the mess, she embraces it and invites them in. Our kids are going to be compassionate, kind, generous, and self-sufficient because of the care she takes in teaching them through word and through her life.
The Hoffman House isn't all brilliant, she's not 100% perfect, and I'm probably the hardest person she imagined growing old with. It's the nature of two broken lives filled with selfish ambition and constant change coming together, creating a family, and doing what we have to love one another well. I still choose her and I'm grateful for who she is, as she is, and who she's in the process of becoming. I'm grateful that those characteristics that attracted me in the beginning continue to attract me today, and that they rub off on me to make me a better man. I'm grateful she chooses me in the same way.
Michelle, I say we have a good thing going and that we should keep making it better as we go. Thanks for continuing to inspire me to be a better man, husband, and father. Thanks for showing me what it means to be a great friend to friends, which I see you live out with your friends and our neighbors.
